I have been reading a few parenting books recently. Each teaches me to know the world of kids and understand their reactions. I thought I was fairly educated until I failed a real life test today when I picked Jackson up.
Our pickup routine changes through time. At the beginning, he used to look at me like I am the only person in the world while marching towards me. Then he started to be more playful and ran away each time he saw me. Recently he would ran to the place where his backpack hung and ran to me with his backpack.
Today he saw me when he was cleaning up the room, so he finished what he was doing and ran towards the backpack. But another girl in his class saw me and ran to his backpack and gave it to me while Jackson was occupied. I thought she was so friendly and thanked her. Jackson stopped astonished and started crying.
I tried to comfort him "It's okay, she is trying to be helpful. Mommy has your backpack now and let's go home".
He cried harder and wouldn't move.
Ms. Mimi noticed what was going on, and told the girl "Don't take Jackson's backpack." She took the backpack from me and placed it back to the rack.
I explained for the girl "She was being helpful."
Ms Mimi replied "This is what every kid is looking forward to -- to take the backpack and go home. That makes them happy. She should not take it away from Jackson."
She told Jackson "Go take your backpack to your mommy."
Jackson stopped crying immediately and took the backpack and went home with me happily.
I was thinking of each person's reaction when it dawned on me that I ignored my kid's feeling just like the books suggested not to. I used an adult's view, only seeing "friendship" and "cute baby" and didn't understand how important the ritual was to Jackson. Furthermore, I also tried to brush his feeling off.
I am glad that his teacher understood him in this case and showed me the right way of dealing with it. The books are starting to make more sense now that I can apply my learning.
Our pickup routine changes through time. At the beginning, he used to look at me like I am the only person in the world while marching towards me. Then he started to be more playful and ran away each time he saw me. Recently he would ran to the place where his backpack hung and ran to me with his backpack.
Today he saw me when he was cleaning up the room, so he finished what he was doing and ran towards the backpack. But another girl in his class saw me and ran to his backpack and gave it to me while Jackson was occupied. I thought she was so friendly and thanked her. Jackson stopped astonished and started crying.
I tried to comfort him "It's okay, she is trying to be helpful. Mommy has your backpack now and let's go home".
He cried harder and wouldn't move.
Ms. Mimi noticed what was going on, and told the girl "Don't take Jackson's backpack." She took the backpack from me and placed it back to the rack.
I explained for the girl "She was being helpful."
Ms Mimi replied "This is what every kid is looking forward to -- to take the backpack and go home. That makes them happy. She should not take it away from Jackson."
She told Jackson "Go take your backpack to your mommy."
Jackson stopped crying immediately and took the backpack and went home with me happily.
I was thinking of each person's reaction when it dawned on me that I ignored my kid's feeling just like the books suggested not to. I used an adult's view, only seeing "friendship" and "cute baby" and didn't understand how important the ritual was to Jackson. Furthermore, I also tried to brush his feeling off.
I am glad that his teacher understood him in this case and showed me the right way of dealing with it. The books are starting to make more sense now that I can apply my learning.
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